A Solitary Cabin

Good morning, all.

Hard to believe we're in the middle of March already. This year has been a whirlwind. Client work, running games, helping with podcasts, writing, and trying to find healthy ways to cope with -- gestures at everything -- this.

Anxiety has become a huge topic lately, and I get it. This week it got the better of me. I had to break out the anxiety meds for the first time in years. Writing this is the most functional I've felt all week. Functional is not happy or fulfilled. It's just operating within acceptable parameters. Hardly the way I'd like to measure my life. But here we are.

There have been a few bright spots. I thought I'd share those.

Books

I've noticed something about the three books I'm currently reading, which is that they're all circling the same question without meaning to. What is a mind? What counts as consciousness? Does any of this stuff -- plants, rocks, AIs, uploaded personalities -- actually experience anything? I didn't plan that. It's apparently just where my head is right now.

A World Appears by Michael Pollan: His latest takes on consciousness broadly, not just in humans or animals but in plants, fungi, even inanimate matter. I've been reading a chapter or two each morning as a slow start to the day. Timely, given the ongoing arguments about whether the AIs we're building have anything going on inside them.

FrostByte: A Desi Cyberpunk Novel by N.S. Chaudhury: Set in a tech-heavy South Asian cyberpunk world. The characters are well-drawn, the dialogue snaps, and the central questions -- what is identity when consciousness can be copied? -- sit comfortably alongside Pollan. I also just love being somewhere different. The setting keeps me engaged in a way a lot of Western cyberpunk hasn't lately.

If Anyone Builds It, Everyone Dies by Eliezer Yudkowsky and Nate Soares: I was skeptical going in. Still am. But I'm working more and more with AI, and I figured the argument deserved a fair hearing. It's not a polemic. The authors use stories and concrete examples to walk you through their reasoning, and it's more careful than I expected. I'm not convinced. But I'm thinking about it. Which is probably the point. My actual control over the situation is, as far as I can tell, approximately nil.

Music

No single artist dominating the rotation. Mostly I've been going back through the catalog, finding things I'd overlooked and trying genres I'd never really sat with. Jazz has been the main discovery. Not the experimental stuff -- not yet, anyway -- but the classics. Art Pepper. John Coltrane. People I'd heard of and never actually listened to. Worth the time.

There are also the listening parties over in the Neon Dystopia Discord. Four of us take turns DJing sets while the others hang out and talk about what's playing. I always find something new when my friends play their music. That part has been good.

Movies & TV

Honestly, not much. I've felt adrift from most of what's been coming out. My friend Mike was telling me about KPop Demon Hunters, calling it a cultural moment in the era of hyperfragmentation. He might be right. I might give it a watch.

In general, I don't find much out there for me right now. I bounced off Pluribus and Severance. Science fiction films that aren't horror films have gotten rare. Project Hail Mary looks like a notable exception and I'm looking forward to it. Mostly I've been reading instead of watching, and that feels fine.

Getting Out

I work from home. Some days the only person I physically see is my wife. She's sharp, funny, good company -- she makes it easier than it sounds -- but I do need to get out more.

So on weekend mornings I've started going exploring. I don't know the Dayton area well yet and I'm trying to fix that. Find the good spots. Build a map in my head.

Dayton has seen some hard times, and I don't have enough context yet to read the place correctly. I see a vacant storefront next to an incredible library next to a building that looks like it gave up in 2009, and I don't know what story I'm looking at. I want to learn it. Places always grow on me eventually. I'm giving this one time.

Bye now

That's all I've got for this morning. Be careful out there. I'm off to grab some breakfast.