A Solitary Cabin

It's been a busy week in rehab, my friends.

Each day, I've gotten better. The progress has surprised me, if I'm being honest. A week ago, I couldn't walk three feet with the walker. On Monday, I couldn't get around the building without a wheelchair. By Thursday, I was able to use the walker to go about 25 ft to a chair outside my room. As of today, I'm walking throughout the building with my walker and rarely needing to sit down for a rest.

I move around my room freely, and mostly without the walker. I limp, and my balance is for shit, but I manage it. I can see to my ADLs (activities of daily living) without issue, but with modification. For instance, standing without the walker for more than a few minutes can become painful, so I shave seated. But as modifications go, that's not bad.

I have another assessment this coming Wednesday, and if all goes well, I hope to be released back home by the end of next week. Then I just need to be certified to return to work.

What does all this mean going forward

Well...I'm getting old. So there's going to be a lot more stretching in my life. And light workouts, not to bulk up, but just to tone things. Luckily, I spent all of last year with a personal trainer and have what amounts to a small gym at home: weights, a collapsible bench, yoga stuff, elastic bands, etc. Additionally, I expect to be getting professional physical therapy for the next few months as I strengthen my bad leg.

The big takeaway is this: I thought I was doing okay merely because I wasn't falling over. Turns out taking proper care of oneself is more involved than that. Who knew? (Heh. Just everyone but me, I expect.) I have a bad habit of going into what my wife calls "survival mode," which is doing just enough not to die, and not to have any serious medical issues. Until one happens because I overextend, because I'm not taking proper care of myself, which is what happened this time.

I need to raise the bar for myself. So...I have lists. I've had a lot of time to think and plan, so that's what I'm doing.

Slow down

I say "slow down," even though I do not live life in the fast lane. This really is about stopping my mind from impatiently jumping from thing to thing. Slow down, do one thing at a time, and pay attention while doing it. Keep your mind on what is in front of you. Also, give less brain space to work and more to what you do outside of the 9-5.

You know. All of Yoda's advice to Luke.

The little goblin was right.

Enjoy Life

Like many of us, I deal with things I do as if there were a boss or parent looking over my shoulder and grading me. This is, of course, horseshit. I want to spend more of my time enjoying my life and less time obsessing over "being productive." It's better for my soul. When my soul is sick, I do things that numb me but do not recharge me. Binging TV or games especially. Reading, listening to music, nature, social time with friends—these things recharge me. More of those, please.

Same as before, I guess

Problem is, I've been stating the above for about 20 years. None of this is new. I just fall back into old patterns like many of us.

I really want this time to be different. So I'm getting help. I'm going outside myself—therapy (physical and mental), making time for friends, getting help from family, and even this: writing more. You all help me too.

And so, back to Saturday

I'll write more this week, but right now I'm listening to Arboresque by Artemis and reading a book. The windows are open (I have not been outside in almost a month and it is killing me), and I am sitting in the sun. All is well today.

All is well.